Is Your Desire Taking a Vacation? Menopause, Libido, and Loving Your Body

Menopause affects women's sexual desire, emphasizing that changes are normal and common. It explains the impact of hormonal shifts on libido and physical responses, while addressing issues like vaginal dryness and offering practical solutions. It is important to acknowledge both hormonal and non-hormonal factors influencing desire.

Let's talk about something super important but often whispered about: desire. Specifically, how our desire can change as we gracefully move through midlife and menopause. If you're a woman in your 40s, 50s, or 60s, you might be nodding your head right now. Maybe you've noticed things aren't quite the same, and that's okay! You're so not alone. We're going to unpack why, what's normal, and how you can reclaim your mojo.


What's "Normal" Anyway?

First, let's ditch the idea that there's a 'right' way to feel about sex. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), sexual health is about physical, emotional, mental, and social well-being related to sexuality, not just the absence of problems. It's about feeling good, safe, and respected. Around 40-50% of women report some kind of change in their sexual function. (Zheng 2020). But here's the kicker: only about 12% are actually bothered by it. (Zheng 2020) So, the key is, how do you feel? If you're happy, you're golden. If not, let's see what we can learn.


Menopause and the Libido Rollercoaster

Menopause brings a whole bunch of changes, thanks to shifting hormones. Estrogen dips, and that can impact a lot, including our sex drive. You might find that:

• Desire is different: You may not feel that spontaneous urge like you used to. That's totally normal. Our bodies shift, and so does our desire.

• Arousal takes more work: Lower estrogen can mean less blood flow and lubrication, which can make getting turned on a bit more challenging. But we have solutions, keep reading!

• Orgasm feels different: Some women experience changes in the intensity or frequency of orgasms.

The Desire Duo: Spontaneous vs. Responsive

Here's a fun fact: There are generally two types of desire:

1. Spontaneous Desire: This is that "out of the blue" urge that hits you.
2. Responsive Desire: This type emerges in response to stimulation or a specific context.

Okay, so it’s common that the sudden, "out of the blue" desire (spontaneous desire) might take a little vacation during menopause. Actually, this is common in all long-term relationships.  But don't worry, that doesn't mean the party's over! This is where the magic of responsive desire comes in.

Think of responsive desire as a slow-burn romance. It's not about instantly needing to jump into bed; it's about building the desire through the experience. It's like planting a seed and watching it grow.

Here's how it works:

It starts with stimulation or a context: Instead of feeling the urge out of nowhere, responsive desire is triggered by something external; maybe a touch, a kiss, a flirty text, a romantic setting, or even just the idea of being intimate.

Arousal is Key: Responsive desire often follows physical arousal. As you engage in foreplay, your body starts to respond, and that physical response can actually create the desire. It's like your body is saying, "Hey, this feels good! Let's explore this!"

With responsive desire, it's really about enjoying the process. It's about savouring the touch, the connection, the sensual experience. The focus is on building the desire gradually, rather than feeling like you have to be "in the mood" right away. During menopause, many women find their spontaneous desire takes a little vacation. But that doesn't mean desire is gone forever! You can still experience great sex through responsive desire.


Vaginal Dryness: The Uninvited Guest

Let's get real about vaginal dryness. It's a common side effect of lower estrogen, and it can make sex uncomfortable or even painful.

Why does it happen? Less estrogen means less natural lubrication. And here’s the thing… painful, uncomfortable sex is not really a sexual experience you will desire. I can't say it enough: you must be having sex worth desiring. And  NO ONE will desire painful sex.


Tips to Reclaim Your Desire

• Communicate: Talk to your partner about what feels good and what doesn't.
  Schedule Sex: It might sound unromantic, but sometimes putting it on the calendar can help build anticipation.
  
  
• Create the Mood: Set the stage for intimacy with candles, music, or whatever helps you relax.
  
  
• Self-Care: Take care of your body and mind. Exercise, eat well, and get enough sleep.
  
  
• Don’t Compare: This is not your younger self. There is something to be said about being an experienced lover. Explore your likes and dislikes and find something that works just for you.

If changes in your sexual desire are causing significant distress, don't hesitate to seek help. A therapist or counsellor specializing in sexual health can offer valuable support and guidance.

Menopause is a transition, not a destination. Your body is changing, and that's okay. By understanding what's happening and taking proactive steps, you can continue to have a fulfilling and pleasurable sex life. Embrace your body, explore your desires, and remember that you deserve to experience pleasure too!

This blog post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for any health concerns or before making any decisions related to your health or treatment.